Maybe because of the U.S. elections, maybe because of a sudden decreased exposure to English after coming back to Spain, I am have haunted by a strong urge to watch reruns of my favorite show The West Wing (kind of a couple of weeks I reread some of my favorite Chinese books during high school and middle school--yes, mom, I have to confess to you, there were times you thought that I was doing homework, I was actually reading Chinese books :) ). Anyway, I am seriously considering getting the DVD collection of the West Wing. Maybe, maybe...

This Monday marks the 3rd day of measuring the behaviors of mice that I did surgery three weeks ago. The surgery seemed to have work on most of my mice--they can only turn in one direction--but maybe because of the surgery, because of the background or because of their ages, I did not expect the difficulty in injecting L-DOPA into them. Comparing to the kind of work I did in undergrad--watching mice run around looking for cereal or chocolate milk in a maze or even injecting with drugs that change their behaviors but did not cause pain or death--I feel guilty about what I am doing right now and and have been asking myself again and again whether or not all the pain and anxiety that I am inflicting on the mice is worth it. The thoughts I used to have at MIT on what is like to be a mouse have also come back to me. I honestly cannot imagine a life confined to a cage that is on a rack most of the time. Sigh, if a mouse lives in nature, it can run to different places, take on different adventures, it can forage, watch for enemies and have offspring. The mice here cannot do anything to change or to better their fate. Sometimes I wish that they would stay still and not bite me, so I can finish the procedure quicker and put back to their cage. I do wish that they don´t get to stressed out during surgery so they can survive the surgery and live a month longer. But how is a mouse going to know that? Anyway, I still strongly belief that animal research is necessary, but I hope that someday, there will be enough funding, enough knowledge to enable the the lab mice can have a live similar to the mice in nature.

Last night, I began reading a book that I bought almost almost a year ago when it was recommended by one of my Spanish professors. It was el laberineto de la soledad by Octavio Paz. Instead of starting at page 1, I went straight to page 400something, to the chapter that compares Mexico with US, and it which the author pointed that the difference between U.S. and Mexico is largely consequence of the differences in
their civilization. That part of the Mexican tragedy--the feelings of sorrow and confusion about self-identity--comes from knowing that even though U.S. and Mexico occupy the same continent, have similarly history, yet the former is blessed with the Constitution, with leaders like Washington, Lincoln and FDR and with the strongest economy in the world, the latter is haunted by wars, dictators, drugs, inequality, instability and economical difficulties.

One point mentioned by Octavio Paz was that Mexico has a closed culture whereas U.S. has an open culture. That when it struck me that the world is indeed full of contradictions. In American, personal privacy is deeply valued yet there is the freedom of speech, where reporters are by in large free to report anything that is wrong with America. Whereas in Mexico, maybe because of the residual fear from the dictatorial regimes, people are open to share facts about their lives but not about the society they live in.

Reading this book suddenly made me realize what is special about Europe. It is the European Union. A Spanish citizen can enjoy the the same social and health benefits when they go to France and Britain. Since Berlin is only a 2-hour train ride away from Madrid, one can find job in another country without really have to be separated from one's family. Mexico as a nation feels lonely because the countries on North America much more separated. America does not feel the same solitude perhaps because it is the richest and most powerful nation in the world and because it is so entrenched in its own affairs that there is no time to feel lonely.